From Pennsylvania to Georgia and Ohio, like New Hampshire, conservatives are wrestling with the MAGA mess they’ve created. Voters need help. I’ve been working on a clever intellectual device to help folks identify MAGA falsehoods, and now the code has been cracked. (Drum roll, please). Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the “Inverse-T.” Simply take a MAGA truth claim, assume the opposite, and voila, you’ve been delivered.
All snake-oil salesmen share two essential characteristics. First, they’ll invite you to accept a lie. And second, you’ll be asked to pay for it. It’s like the local septic service soliciting you to pay $300 to empty the truck’s raw sewage tank into your living room — it’ll improve the ambiance, they say.
Consider the launch of the recent MAGA social media platform, Truth Social. This cockamamie money-making scheme is designed to deliver feces to your screen. So assume the opposite. It’s supposed to generate truth, but instead it generates bull-crap. It’s also intended to be social, but not many people are logged on. And if they say that they won’t censor, just try posting something truthful about the MAGA cult leadership.
Supposing you’re a resident of Birmingham and the MAGA meteorologist tells you that a hurricane Dorian is barreling toward your home state of Alabama. Relax and crack a cold can of Natural Light beer. Then pull out the lawn chair because your trailer is safe and the sun will be shining bright.
Maybe MAGA dismisses a new and fast spreading coronavirus as “fake,” saying it’ll disappear overnight. Well, assume that maybe a million Americans will die. And when they later tell you to ingest cattle medicine and household bleach, please don’t do that.
When MAGA says Vladimir Putin is a more reliable source of information than the United States intelligence community, you should laugh. And if you’re told that Putin is a “savvy genius” and a decent fellow, understand that while incompetent, he’s also a determined mass murderer. And when they say that NATO is useless and our allies should be booted, consider that friendly powers might be helpful in the event that Russia decides to invade another neighboring country — just ask Finland, they get it.
If Trump says Mexico will fund a great wall on the southern border in order to keep brown folks out of the country, just assume that you’ll be paying, it’ll never be built, and the pitiful sections of completed wall will be breached by thousands. Why? Because walls haven’t worked for millennia, at least since Genghis Khan and the mongols were trying to invade China.
Recently, rising Michigan MAGA star Robert Kegan boasted to an audience, saying, “I tell my daughters, ‘well, if rape is inevitable, you should just lie back and enjoy it.’” And none of us can forget that Donald Trump once told our sons that if you’re a celebrity star, women love it when you just “grab ‘em by the pussy.” For the love of Jesus and his mother Mary, please do not teach these MAGA lessons to your children!
And if they claim that the 2020 election was stolen because of widespread Democratic voter fraud, accept the election as legitimate. Also assume that individuals in the Trump administration were committing voter fraud, like Chief of Staff Mark Meadows and chief lackey Matt Mowers.
When they tell you to march on the Capitol and “fight like hell,” just call it a day and eat a sandwich. If they say that killing Capitol police officers is legitimate political discourse, it’s not. So please do not attack our men and women in blue. And when they tell you that Jan. 6 never happened, well, just rewatch the video footage.
A snake-oil salesmen will sell you falsehoods. Nonetheless, they can achieve a degree of success, measured in the number of people duped and the amount they’ll pay to be fooled — hordes of boneheaded delinquents who purchase “Let’s Go Brandon” flags, My Pillows, and Rudy Giuliani “Masked Singer” episodes. The MAGA-verse is a massive for-profit industry premised on getting people to pay money in donations, merchandise and services, all for lies.
Sure, maybe that red MAGA hat shields your eyes from the sun, so it has some practical value in theory. But let’s face it, you already have ten ball caps. You’re paying money to stay in the dark and have a giant “L” tattooed on your forehead. The “L” of course stands for the word “lies,” or perhaps “loser.” After all, the law of the Inverse-T holds that if Trump says you’re a winner, the opposite must be true.
Quddus Snyder lives in Eaton.
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Clearly, the only thing you have broken is your own sense of reality.
Your writings are starting to sound more like the ravings of someone like the Unibomber.
I would suggest you take a long hiatus from anything close to resembling political commentary. Maybe try kayaking, hiking, or speaking to actual real people who may not agree with you. You might surprise yourself.
Donald Trump lives in Snyder's mind rent-free. Why does the Sun keep publishing this incoherent garbage?
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